"i want out," you say at lunch on friday.  i look up from my tuna sandwich in unveiled 
surprise.  i cannot speak for a moment....the suddenness of it all is so overwhelming.

words find me, finally, and when they do i'm completely unprepared for the steel in my 
voice.  "WHAT."  it was a statement, mind you....not a question.  you fiddle with your 
shirt, the shirt i bought you last year.  the shirt you've worn every day since....since 
SHE walked in.  since SHE commented on how "lovely" it was.  since SHE stole you.  

your eyes are pleading, pleading for me to understand.  pleading for me to not make a 
scene.  well, to hell with that.  you shouldn't have said it.  "sarah....i...."  you 
swallow, your adam's apple bobs.  that never happens unless you're upset, i know.  my throat 
is closed up, sealed away with unshed tears and unreleased screams.  i can feel them 
falling and coming in rhythms, like waves on the beach, the tides ever unpredictable.  

the hand that holds my sandwich goes limp, the fresh bite of tuna in my mouth suddenly 
tastes like burnt metal.  sandwich falls, tuna on my bright pink "angels" shirt, i'm barely 
noticing.  everything in me cries, screams, turbulence in the pit of my stomach, the core 
of my being.  

on the outside, however, i am the epitomy of calmness.  HE'S the one wriggling beneath my 
hard stare.  HE'S the one about to cry.  HE'S the one with so much open grief.  "its just..
the way i feel right now, that's all" he sputters out.  time stops, the chatter in the 
cafeteria fades away.  faces blur, surroundings become pale white nothingness.  he 
never felt this way before.  not until....HER.  

i stand, dignity intact.  brush off my shirt and jeans.  "well, you can just go screw 
yourself," comes out of my mouth although i cannot believe it's really me saying it.  i 
walk away, strong and tall, though inwardly i am quaking in pain and heartbreak.  

SHE strides up toward me, quirky, bubbly, happy.  too happy.  how i want to punch her.  she 
smiles, waves, bobs her head in my direction, passes.  i catch the scent of vanilla and 
rain emanating from her person as she passes right by me.  our shoulders touch, i am burned. 

i go home and wash my shoulder until the skin is cracked and bleeding.